When we are in a relationship with expatriates, we need compromises in order to make it work. But I found this question requires a little more thought:
What, if anything, would you not compromise on even if it could mean the end of your relationship?
JM asked this in a series of Love Q questions more than a week ago. I know I’m a little late but here’s what I think.
Saudi Arabia Expats
I guess most of us would feel it is common sense to walk away if our partner is abusive. That is certainly something that can’t be compromised, especially when we have kids who are witnessing all the abuses.
I think what this question is bringing up is what happens if you are confronted with a not so clear-cut situation instead, such as cheating. Would you compromise? Can you stand it if your expatriate man doesn’t want to lift a finger to help around the house? Would you threathen to walk away if he listens to his mom more than he listens to you?
At this stage, I can’t say that I won’t compromise on any issues that may arise in my relationship. Somehow, when you are married with a kid, your perspective on relationship tends to change a lot. If you had posed me this question when I was still single, I think I can give you a long list of what I won’t compromise.
If you had asked me this when I have gotten married but without a kid, I can still give you a list although it may well be a shorter one. But now that I have a 3 year-old with me, it is kind of hard to say I won’t forgive him if he cheats or I would throw him out if he doesn’t listen to me.
So, what I won’t compromised now would probably centers around the welfare of my son rather than mine alone. After all, when you have kids, you cannot just think about yourself but also what is best for them.
It’s common for dating situations to only last 1-3 months, so your telling someone about your father’s death may have nothing to do with why these situations do not go beyond short term. Have you noticed any pattern between the time you talk about this and their exit?
I assume you have your bad days and your better ones. The thing I think you might want to be careful with (if you are not already) is unwittingly putting someone you are just getting to know in the position where they think you are expecting them to “be there” for you. Do you understand what I mean? Most expat people when they start dating someone new want to keep it light and fun – they aren’t necessarily ready to take on the emotional care of grieving lover – that’s the kind of thing that comes with being a couple.
In other words, when you are having a bad day it might be best to talk through it with your counselor, or family member rather than a person you are dating until the relationship is further along. It’s not a matter of perceiving you to be unstable, rather a perception of getting into something heavy too soon for the other person.