It was very clever, I will admit that. I was surprised at the level ingenuity and the backpage underhandedness. I couldn't be angry about it though, it was just too damn funny.
It started back in January. My Mother who is currently taking a course in psychology and at the same time was scheduled to have knee replacement surgery. She knew she would be missing some classes and would probably fall behind in the course work.
When February came around, she was struggling to keep on top of the work. Or at least that is what she told me. I had just returned to work, when I received a phone call from her. She told me about how she was feeling after the operation and eventually the conversation turned to a book she would need to read and review for her year end assessment. She asked me could I do it for her, as she would not be able to find the time to read the book and write the review, whilst at the same time, stay on top of the course load from the time she was hospitalized. She sent me two books in the post. Courage To Change by Ursala O'Farrell and Emotional Rational Emotive Therapy Behaviour In Action by Wendy Dryden. We agreed that I would read and review the latter, as it was the most simple and straight forward of the the two and would not need to be too involved.
At the same time, I had just started my new job and I was learning so many new things, when I was finishing in the evening. I was so exhausted but I would read a few backpage pages every evening. To be honest, it became a thorn in my side, with the new information I was taking in everyday at work, I was not able to absorb the contents of the book as well as I might have done in normal circumstances. It took me two reads, to get around the complex subject matter. I was really struggling. Eventually, I got it done.
A few weeks later, having read the books twice and struggled to understand its contents, I eventually got a rough draft of the review sent to my Mother, explaining also, that I had struggled and it might not have been good as she was expecting. She didn't really push on it, or go into more detail and thanked me for trying and suggested I also read courage to change. I thought it strange, that she didn't get more upset about it. My Mother tends to have a short temper when the actions she has requested of you are not done satisfactorily. Also, as I read the book, I could help but notice if focused on the behavioural therapy, that identifies certain personality types and tries to encourage counselling to change damaging personality disorders or behavioural patterns. As, I read the book, I eventually found what would probably describe my personality type. Some of the key factors of the type, being more prone to addiction and procrastination. Which to be perfectly honest, described me to a tee.
When I read those backpage passages, I couldn't help but wonder. Had she sent me this book, under the guise of helping her out, to make me see damaging patters in my personality type and then change them? Turns out, that is exactly what it was. She knew that I would not read the book of my own accord, she also knew that if she brought it up and recommended why she wanted me to read it, I would not.
So, she cooked up this little plan, which I have to admit, was very clever, even if it did not necessarily work in the way that she hoped it would. I have never been under an illusion that the behaviours I engage in can be damaging, that the way I live my life is some what unseemly. It's not identifying the personality type that is the issue anymore, its breaking out of the habits that have engulfed the last ten years or so.
My addictive personality, which means, certain things like drugs, or overspending have me and my family much hardship and conflict. My inability to plan to far into the future and my habits of procrastination which have hampered my development. I am also inherently lazy, if something seems to difficult, boring or involved, I shy away from it and use some other kind of justification, to explain my way out of it. I want to learn, I really do. I have such a keen interest in the writing or the law and I want to get into those fields so badly, I just don't know where to start and It scares me that I would need to change the way I live, to accommodate that goal. Even if the way I live, seems so unseemly to some. It's all I really know.