If I were to write a letter of advice to my future daughter I think it would go something like this:
Advice to my future daughterHey, I'm not gonna pretend like i know everything about you, i know you're 50% me so you're probably pretty good, but I don't know who your dad is... by the time you read this I will though (fingers crossed! Am I right?!) and hopefully he's pretty cool too.
So let me impart some wisdom from me at the age of 25:
- Never show your face when you're sending sexy pictures and messages.
(Sidenote: When I'm a mum I assume I will say things like sexy pictures instead of 'pictures of your tits', because you know, I'll be grown up and shit).
- Nothing THAT bad will happen to you if you fail a test or don't get voted prefect or whatever unimportant crap you're worrying about, IF you go to uni it automatically takes priority over whatever awards you won in high school.
- Sometimes you will realise you accidentally ate an entire wheel of cheese in one sitting, don't panic, it happens.
Maybe one day I will write a PRACTICAL blog on advice for my future daughter and then other bitches on the internet can criticize it (its cool, I kinda deserve it) but until then I'm going to write something different, if you hadn't already guessed by the title here it is:
Advice For People Writing Advice For Their Future Children.
- Your Kid Might Not Be Beautiful - Sure, they will be beautiful to you, obvi. But stop painting your future kid as a goddess whose smile lights up the room, not everyone's hot, she might not be, get over it.
- Stop Telling Them Who To Date - You found your baby mama (or baby daddy) yourself, now let your mediocre looking child do the same. Stop telling them to only go for men who protect them or make them smile or care for them, that stuff it basic common knowledge, do you really think she's gonna find the perfect man at 18? Hell no.
Instead try this:
Hey girl, you're absolutely gonna date some dicks, it's cool. It takes time, you'll figure it out.
- Stop Trying to Tell Them Who They Will Be - They decide who they are, not you. Don't give them some box to fit into before they're born.
- Their Parent Might Not Be The Love Of Your Life - Its true, it happens. Don't try telling them they're beautiful because they're mum is beautiful - You don't know her, she's just a figment of your imagination (just like your fake daughter), she might just be some woman you met in a bar one night who you don't communicate through maintenance checks.
At the end of the day its great that there are so many future parents out their who are positive about having children and a father who tries to push you into a box is better than no father at all, but lets not go crazy guys, its a bit weird.
Plus you might have a son.
Let me say this again.
You might have a son!
Because Who Needs Happily Ever After When You Could Write Letters For Your Future Children